my activism is a product of my depression

a free write

I just came to the realization that I’m only political when I’m sad. The first post on this blog is reactionary. My post about Kavanaugh and anger is reactionary. This post is reactionary. My reason for doing all of this is reactionary. It’s a response. It’s so inefficient. It’s not a way to make change. We have to be preventative. We have to make systemic change. To be honest, I’m not sure how to do that.

I’m so sick of having to be respectable in this fight. I’m tired of having to find evidence to justify my oppression. I’m tired of having to present myself in a certain way. I’m not seen as professional because I don’t wear pantsuits. I’m not seen as professional because my gender presentation is a little bit queer. Automatically my voice is invalidated because I look young and don’t dress like Hillary Clinton and happen to have a hoop in my nose. But then again, Clinton’s fashion choices were used as a tool against her. My four years of public health work, two internships, educational background, and projects stand for nothing because I don’t fill in my eyebrows. Still, I have so much privilege. I can’t imagine how hard it is for those who have less than me.  There’s no way to be taken seriously unless you are well off and white and male.

I’m tired of hearing that 13 year old girls have to have a sufficiently moving story to get an abortion even when they often aren’t even developed enough to survive childbirth or when they are deemed “not mature” enough to abort with no regard given to the maturity need to raise a whole human. These stories are required regardless of context, even when the pregnancy was not the girls’ choice. Vulnerability is taken advantage of. Girls are violated in every possible way. The obvious power grabs inherent in our system make me physically nauseous.

I can’t stand it when I see people who say they don’t care about politics or try to avoid them. That in itself is political and its the pinnacle of privilege. Its disgusting. You are shitting on the centuries of work that it took to get us here. You are disregarding women that went on hunger strikes just to vote. You are invalidating black people who risked their lives to show up at the polls. You are forgetting that Native Americans have been through decades of genocide at the hands of our government. You are the problem. You enable racism. You enable rape culture. You enable fascism. You enable oppression. You disappoint me.

Even now, I’m debating whether or not to make this post public. I’m afraid that this won’t be seen as civil and therefore won’t be taken seriously. That’s the problem though. We’ve been trained and intimidated into submission. Every bit of this is a political choice from the writing style, to the content, to the transparency.

I know I am young. I know I don’t have the endorsements to back me up. I know I’m impolite.

I don’t care.

If you have learned anything from history class you know the oppressed can identify oppression and oppressors. Trust us. History has its eyes on you.

Every good wish,


3 thoughts on “my activism is a product of my depression

  1. Brit says:

    Hi Julia,
    Your post is outstanding. However, I am not quite sure how I can agree with you on this: “That’s the problem though. We’ve been trained and intimidated into submission.”
    Before I was self-employed, I must say that I did enjoy the work I got to do, but never had the feeling that I was to submit myself to those who paid my wages. It was my choice to look for and get employment which I was seeking and reap the benefits of getting paid for it.
    I am sure that I am missing something, but would like to find out how, in today’s world, we have to submit to people, to a job, or other circumstances.
    Thank you,


    • softriotradicals says:

      Hi Brit!

      Thanks for your response. Some women do not feel intimidated or submissive in the workforce and I’m glad that you are one of them. At the same time, some women to feel imitated or are forced to be submissive. On a personal basis it is often depended on who your boss is, what company you are working for, etc. What I’m talking about in this specific case is systemic power dynamics. Often undeserved people are taken advantage of due to their dependence on work for survival (most prominent example of this would be Amazon or the fast food industry). It is also important to keep in mind wage gaps and the number of women in positions of authority in the workforce compared to men. Again, its more of a systemic than individual dynamic that I’m trying to get at. Sorry for the short response and I’m happy to elaborate more if you would like!



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